That Girl is Poison

Honesty is always the best policy. I don't think she and I are meant to be. I'm hurt, yes, but she's on some next shit and the more I look at it, I'm setting myself up for failure and heartache. I dont need either of the two. So I have to say goodbye. Adios. Au Revoir. To the one that once was my all. My everything. I love you so I have to let you go. Do what you need to do. I can't have you for who you are now. It wouldn't work. Maybe if you changed later on in life, we could try again. With the way you are now, I can't do it. Too much of a Stalin for me. And I hope that in life, you never have to feel pain. As unrealistic as that is, i still hope so. I know that the only way that you'll change is if 1, you get hurt, played, whatever, because of the way you are and you alter yourself. or 2, a guy beats the shit out of you and FORCES you to change. I hope neither happens and you just change just to better yourself, but if not, youre good enough for someone out there. Just not me. Not now. Not ever? I'll never know. I can only live my life and do what I do with a smile on my face and keep it moving. I'm mad at you but not mad enough to act like you were nothing to me. Not mad enough to discredit you. I love(d) you Priscilla Ana Lucia (i dont know if I'll ever get the middle names right) Ortega. I hope your life is fulfilled and treasu(RED). You'll get a hint of me soon, (12.1.05) but until then, Love.

In a world with no compassion, a man cries...

Maybe I'm just taking it too damn far. Everytime this girl breaks up with me, i blog. Sad. I know. I have things in place to actually move on, but i won't. Its almost as if I can't. Why can't I move on from Priscilla. I don't even know. Its actually kind of pathetic when I think about it. I mean, she moved on perfectly fine. I thought that I was moving on but caught feelings. Its just that it was 2 years. How do you walk away from that openly and willingly. She was everything to me. My motivation in life to do good things and want better things. I wanted to give her the world. How do I motivate myself when my motivation leaves? AND its especially hard when I have NO iPod. I can't mellow out and listen to Jay spit about life. Jay been through this all already. Jay has all the answers in life if you really listen to him. Or maybe i just think that because I'm from Brooklyn. All the same, i need music. My one true love besides basketball. They never leave me. No matter how long I don't speak to them, when i need them, they're always there for me again. Basketball. Music. *SIGH* Maybe I'm just bugging out on some needy shit. With Priscilla, i tried to do right. I can honestly say that I tried. Its just that things that I thought were ok, weren't ok with her. But I always told myself, look, we both need to change to make this work. I did a good number of fuck ups in the relationship but I never cheated. When she needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, my ear, as little as it is, was always listening. I was there for her emotionally. And she helped me out A LOT financially and i could never thank her enough for that. I owe my life to this woman. She got me out of some tough times and I'm fully aware of that and I know that. I just wish that I could pay her back and actually be the man that she deserves and wants. AND i would love to get over her with no setbacks. This shit is fucking me up. Im mad as hell. lol. and NOW shes into the guy that I hate in this world with an extreme passion. I want to see his head ripped off and grinded in a meat grinder. Then i want his limbs ripped off slowly but i want his soul to remain intact so that all of this can still be felt. I want him to watch his body get tormented. I want to set his torso on fire, piss on the flames till they get extinguished, and then set his torso on fire again. If you didn't get it by now, i don't like him in the slightest.