In a world with no compassion, a man cries...

Maybe I'm just taking it too damn far. Everytime this girl breaks up with me, i blog. Sad. I know. I have things in place to actually move on, but i won't. Its almost as if I can't. Why can't I move on from Priscilla. I don't even know. Its actually kind of pathetic when I think about it. I mean, she moved on perfectly fine. I thought that I was moving on but caught feelings. Its just that it was 2 years. How do you walk away from that openly and willingly. She was everything to me. My motivation in life to do good things and want better things. I wanted to give her the world. How do I motivate myself when my motivation leaves? AND its especially hard when I have NO iPod. I can't mellow out and listen to Jay spit about life. Jay been through this all already. Jay has all the answers in life if you really listen to him. Or maybe i just think that because I'm from Brooklyn. All the same, i need music. My one true love besides basketball. They never leave me. No matter how long I don't speak to them, when i need them, they're always there for me again. Basketball. Music. *SIGH* Maybe I'm just bugging out on some needy shit. With Priscilla, i tried to do right. I can honestly say that I tried. Its just that things that I thought were ok, weren't ok with her. But I always told myself, look, we both need to change to make this work. I did a good number of fuck ups in the relationship but I never cheated. When she needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, my ear, as little as it is, was always listening. I was there for her emotionally. And she helped me out A LOT financially and i could never thank her enough for that. I owe my life to this woman. She got me out of some tough times and I'm fully aware of that and I know that. I just wish that I could pay her back and actually be the man that she deserves and wants. AND i would love to get over her with no setbacks. This shit is fucking me up. Im mad as hell. lol. and NOW shes into the guy that I hate in this world with an extreme passion. I want to see his head ripped off and grinded in a meat grinder. Then i want his limbs ripped off slowly but i want his soul to remain intact so that all of this can still be felt. I want him to watch his body get tormented. I want to set his torso on fire, piss on the flames till they get extinguished, and then set his torso on fire again. If you didn't get it by now, i don't like him in the slightest.