the future looks bright for the lovers...

I was thinking to myself on this cold, December night. We are nearing the dawn of a new year. We have so many things to be thankful for. While we are ridding ourselves for what I hope was a fruitful year for all, we are gaining a fresh new start in order to either gain more success or to start a new chain of positive events. I patiently await the beginning of 2009, for which will be my power year, but I appreciate so much that 2008 brought to me. We never had to meet. I never had to write a word in this blog. Yet, I did. Yet, we met. Of all the people in America, you met me. Of all the people on the internet, we found each other and continue to keep our interests. Of all the people that live, we ran into each other, yearning to be touched by someone. Anyone. I do not loathe those that have found someone else to keep them company and actually enjoy it. For it is them that give me hope. Hope that not all women suck. Hope to know that, one day, I will enjoy the permanent company of a women that is lucky enough to have me and I will be as lucky to have her. Was that a run on sentence? Maybe. I dunno. Cheers!

The Spirit Within

For a very long time now, I have been living with very limited guidance. Everything that I've done in life was done for selfish reasons. Thus far, I never lived with purpose. My heartbeat was just a timb bomb, ticking towards the inevitable end. Somewhere along the way, I realized that something has been guiding me unconsciously. Subconsciously? I don't really know how but the presence has become undeniable.

Ever since high school, I've seen the same number everywhere. 222. For the people that know me, they know the significance of this number.2:22pm was the official time of dismissal. I would be playing NBA Live at home and pause the game and there would be 2:22 left in the quarter. I'd walk around randomly and aimlessly and then look up and I would be standing in front of building 222. I was at work one day and there was a woman standing in front of me. I looked on the back of her neck and there it was. 222. Tattooed there. I asked her what it meant and she said that she saw that number everywhere she went so she got it tattooed on her. Seeing this number everywhere I go made me think 'what does it all mean'? I asked my mom what she thought it meant. She usually has the answer to everything. She told me that she didn't know what it meant but she was sure it meant something. I asked her what she meant by that. She then proceeded to tell me that I was conceived in 222 East 17th street in Brooklyn, New York. I began to fear what it all might have meant. I didn't want to know. Then, today I went to Target. After roaming the 2nd floor with no real aim at all, I found a small guitar section. They had two of each, acoustic and electric. I wanted a new guitar for Christmas but I didn't think that it was possible. The price itself made it all the more possible to purchase it, but that wasn't what caught my eye. Embroided on each guitar was a number. 222. They were all in a 222 series. I saw this as a sign that I should strongly consider buying one. I didn't. I don't know why, but I didn't. I got home and spoke to my dear friend Jennifer. I told her about my love affair of the numerologic kind. She found it to be weird. The more I looked into it, I appreciate it that much more. As I researched the numbers some more, apparently 222 is a sign from my Spirit Guide that I'm on the right track and I am following my life the way I am supposed to. I cannot be any more excited about that, because what I worry about most is me not being where I am supposed to be. I question my decisions so much. Its great to know that just by looking at a number, I'm able to know whether I'm making a good decision or not. Other people might not find relying on a number as a viable source or reliability, but this is my life and I'm a weird guy. I love anything unorthodox and controversial. One more thing, my birthday is 12.11.86. Let's look at 12, then the 11, and then the 86. 12, 1*2=2. 11, 1+1=2. 86, 8-6=2. 2.2.2. There's more to everything in life. The truth is through the looking glass.

brain fart

I'm beginning to think that I do that too much. Think. I over-analyze everything way too much. I'm always happy and never satisfied at the same time. I am what I like to call an overly emotional person. I'm that person that seems to always be in a good mood. When I enter a bad mood, it lingers like the end of a 2 year relationship. It isn't as bad as it might be seen, but it's still a weird thing to be around. I know what I want, but I'm too scared to go after it. Failure is something that I fear, but more than that, I've been let down way too much. I always seem to get my hopes up and then nothing happens. The anticipation just dies down like the infamous sneaker hype of 2006. Why should I ever tell anyone how I really feel? Either I look too much into something or I overlook a vital piece of the puzzle. I prized things and people that look unattainable and then get bummed out over the expectations that were not met. I have my pessimistic moments where it seems like i am never positive. I really am, I think that this blog is my negative outlet. Where I scream outside underneath my calm and stress-free demeanor. Skateboarding does a lot for me because it helps me express myself and tire the stress out of my body. The blog portion of my expressive self is me actually putting out there how i feel, since tend to keep it all hidden inside. Do i trust women? nope. if you knew me, you would know why. do i trust my family? nope. there isn't anyone to trust. i'm sorry to all four of the people who read this, i don't want to seem like i'm crazy or mentally unstable because i'm fine. things are just weird and will continue to be weird for a while.

i dig you. is it even noticeable?

Let's celebrate Festivus together

Ok, so I don't really celebrate Festivus, the holiday for the rest of us. I am merely just a fan on Seinfeld. I am, however, an advocate of treating each other nicely. While December, the greatest month of all, is the only month people are consistently nice to each other and it should be more often, I'll take it. We should learn from the Christmas of 2008. While we are all broke and trying to conserve as much money as possible, we are still spending money on the people that are closest to us. Why? Because we love them and we want them to know that we haven't forgotten about them. It has never been about the money or the material items. For all I know, I will not be receiving a thing. I am perfectly okay with that. My gift to myself is to live free. And its just that. Free. For others, I'll get them something because they deserve it. I rarely have money to toss around for other people since I have bill and other personal expenses, so this is the time where I say forget responsibilities and all of the sort. I don't care if I don't get those special people something that they had their heart set on. I just want to see them smile with a good memory. That's my method with everyone, from family to friends to women to strangers. I won't give you something of material or anything physical but I will definitely try to make a moment as memorable as possible. So for this Christmas, since Uncle Sam has our pockets in the Walls Of Jericho (Jerichoholics, Unite!), make the extra effort to make this holiday time as memorable as possible. Remember that even without endless funds, you still had a great time with the ones you truly cherish.

And for those that care, you can get me the following:
1. A Thrasher magazine hoody (not the one with the pentagram)
2. DVS Munition CT black/orange (I wear a size 13)
3. A guitar
4. Boxers
5. Socks
6. Undershirts
7. The woman that I covet, not any of these boring chicks that seem to like me.

I know I will not get these from other people, I just wanted the dozen people out there to know what I wanted.

Battle of the Century!

Answer this: If Adebisi from the show Oz and rapper T.I. had a fight, who's beanie would fall off first?

Think about it.

As I awaken, the dream still breathes...

...even when I want to give up. It is times like these that makes me wish my life was different. In a subtle way here and there, but different somewhere. Things that have happened, I can never change. I can only learn from those events that were inevitable. However, although I have learned a great dea in a semi-short time frame, I am still fearful of tomorrow. I find myself hesitant to spend $3.00 on toothpaste. Please, do not mistake me for a cheapskate or a penny pincher. I am just fearful of that famous saying,'the past always repeats itself'. If I ever had to relive those past events, it would be then that I lose my strength and quit on myself. I love my friends and the little family that I do have, but twice in one lifetime is a wager that I do not have the funds to risk. That is a debt that I can never afford. What keeps my going is a dream. The dream of dreams that will one day be real to me. A dream of a life of completion. A dream of the sense of satisfaction. As of right now, I do not believe in monetary value. Where I want to be is somewhere that money can never take me. I would love for my mother and little brothers to have the wealth of the world. I do not need it. As long as certain assets are secured, I can go along with my life as I would like to. Playing a guitar and drinking a Pina Colada with my wife at my side, relaxing. Maybe a son to teach backside ollies to. A daughter to take to the park and have food gatherings with. Who knows such things? All I know is that this is all just a dream. Dreams feel just like reality when you are in them. Are you dreaming right now? Are you awake? Awaken yourself, then fall back asleep. Dream with me and let the stars set us free.

Excuse my gibberish. I have a slight headache and I'm playing Kingdom Hearts. SMH.

I have the best friends. EVER.

Seriously. I love them all.

Also, my bromance with Brad Pitt is ever so evident. Go see 'The Curious Case of Benjamin Button', because Brad Pitt's bro just told you to.

No homo.

The Day The People Were Silenced

December 11th, 1986. The day that Jahmaalah Kaiye Brown was born unto this world. I am the kind of person that appreciates whatever I get. Materials and well wishes are one in the same. To me, just showing love is enough to make me happy. To know that I was thought of and someone took time out of their day to let me know that they wish me a happy birthday, *sigh*, that just hits my soul like a jackhammer on cinderblocks. I love it and appreciate it so much. When that does not happen, it hits me a way that is almost indescribable. I come from a family that is not a family. We are not close at all. My mother and I grew apart many times over and it is now that we are trying to mend a relationship that was once as strong as Gorilla Glue. All I have is my friends. All I had were my friends. To know that I was easily forgotten, I can truthfully say that it makes me sad. It makes me feel hurt. It makes me upset, mainly because I try to go the extra mile and remember theirs. I try to make their days as memorable as possible. The one day that I share with very few people, one that I can call my own, does not belong to me anymore. I am not mad at anyone anymore. I believe that some budget cuts need to be made. Its the only way to save the struggling economy of my psyche.